Writing Time

There are so many times I've thought in the last few years, I need to write again. I need to put my ramblings, musings, and thoughts down. 

The last three years my role changed from a classroom teacher to a special education teacher.  With this role change, my time in certain areas decreased  became focused on reading.  I've been reading and working on conferring and small group instruction.

In January, I began working on writing with a few kids in an intervention group.  How I missed walking though the steps of writing and ending with a true piece from the heart.

Today, as I was perusing Facebook I saw an obituary of a wonderful professor who taught me my words are important even if I don't stick to the true and tried system of writing:  thesis statement, detail, detail, detail, concluding statement.  He planted a seed of belief that my stories in my life were important.  Once I became a teacher and began working with Donald Graves and Lucy Calkins' ideas about writing. It truly changed me as a writer.  But, it all began with Jim Wilcox when he let me write from the heart.  Thank you.  

Open Letter to Barressi

Dear Janet,

When was the last time you sat with a child who truly struggled with reading? Each time she sat down to attempt a sound or a letter she would burst into tears and say "I can't do this! I never will because I am a stupid girl?" Have you ever read a page in a book and the words on the page jumped around and you couldn't read it?

Bottom line: Nope. Nada. You clean teeth and fill cavities.

I'll be honest the issue is not teachers. First, the issue is funding. The Reading Sufficiency Act has never been properly funded. How can teachers "fix" the issue if they aren't provided the funds so the help will become available.

Second, you have blindly avoided research and discriminated against ELL students. Research shows that it takes 8 years to become proficient in a new language.

Finally, you assume that disability means stupidity. Adults and students know they have a learning challenge. They do not need the word FAIL written across a grade level. They know each day what it means to fail. However, these children who have the disability have such gumption that they grow many levels within the school year, but not enough to master your little Pearson test.  Just fyi, 20% of the population in the US are considered disabled.  If 33% of TPS students failed the test...you do the math, if you can, of which two categories primarily make up this 33%.

I'll be honest. I didn't vote for you the first time. Sure don't plan on it this time, but this time you made things personal. You told my students and my child with a disability that they are worthless. They mean nothing but a cut score of 23 or higher.

Do you know what I see? I see the child who at age 3 cried herself to sleep because her mommy didn't know and understand sensory processing disorder. I hear a child who meets with her speech language pathologist each Tuesday read words for the first time and then one day in the teachers lounge announces, "That says Open Slowly." I see fighter who now sees herself as a reader, a writer, and a learner. Why? Her teacher scaffolded and believed and worked. Shame on you for belittling this little one's excitement because the moment she saw the word FAILED she decided the fight wasn't worth it after all.

Sincerely,

Lynnelle

Slice of Life Challenge Day 3 of 31

A snow day today was a gift.
Lazy to the max,
PJs, Pb & J's,
Fries, Giggles, and fun.

This pretty much sums up my day that was spent with my girls as the world awakened to a few inches of snow and ice.  I am thankful for a day that was slow.  It gave me a time to breathe.  Breathing in the time to renew and prepare for the week ahead.


If you too would like to join the monthly challenge, take a look at Two Writing Teachers. 

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I always go silent on my blog when there are changes in my life.  Summer ends for me very soon, as I begin my new chapter in my teaching life.   I am proud to say that my dream has come true.  After nine years of wanting to be a teacher in the field of education, I finally earned a job in the area!!  I'm so excited to work with these new teachers and district!!

Letting Go

time to put you away
one day
magical

what i want is to feel
feel loved
to be passionate about
someone

but not you.
you chose her.
not me.
 

29/31 SOLC

It seems my life and the emotions and heartache and love can always be expressed by some musician or lyricist.  It's not usually something that I write...I keep it all bottled up so no one can see it or hear it or read it.  It's not interesting, but I've successfully avoided it for 29 days.

the one

he lied
i gave all i had for years
he lied
and revealed
my life was a lie
no love
never loved
world is turned
topsy
turvy
all
because
he lied.

slowly
piece
by piece
put back
gently.
be careful
don't look to
closely
 you will see
the ridges
the wounds that
are still on the surface.

be gentle
be careful
for she lies
she says she's fine
she says she doesn't
believe
she says she cares for
no one
but she lies.

she lies
because of fear
she lies because
the pieces won't
make it through
another break.
 she lies because
she's guarding
she doesn't want
him to see.

You know
the one.
The one that stared
into her eyes and saw
her.
flawed
broken
and still said
he saw beauty.
he said he saw
strength.
his kiss
burning on
her lips.
his words echoing
in her ears.
you know this one.
the one she believed
but shouldn't have.

for you see
this girl
she pretends
to be strong
she pretends that
she doesn't need love
but she lies.

her heart yearns
for it
her heart doesn't
want to be unloved
we weren't created
to walk by ourselves.
we were created
to love.

but her heart
when put back
together only aches now
for she never
thought it would be alone.
there was no one by
her side to comfort her
her soul was mourning and
she was alone
no arm of comfort
no kiss on the forehead
or words "it will be better
tomorrow"

her soul
cries
her soul
doesn't lie
she just needs
the one.

28/31 SOLC

John 13:34-35

New International Version (NIV)

³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

It's really hard these days on Facebook so many people full of hypocrisy by flaunting the Bible in everyone's face. It seems they are forgetting the very essence of Jesus...which is love.  It saddens me that we can't see beyond the need of hell and condemnation to actually show love.  

I hope when people see me or talk to me they see love.  I've been very luck and for the most part have been accepted for who I am flaws and all.  We are all flawed.  Why small minded people are busy pointing out sins when they have their own I will not understand.  My heart aches for the people who hear these things or read these things and then believe that all people think this way. 

We are all human.  We all experience the same emotions.  Yet we are all unique individuals.  We are all flawed. 

I've battled with the idea of perfection and why did I feel the need to be perfect.  It's taken me many, many years to realize that God/Jesus nor my parents were asking me to be perfect.  But the "world" was.  The Christian world I percieved.  The one where you screw up and your burning in hell. You drink or dance and your going to hell in a fuschia colored hand basket. 

I've accepted who I am, flaws and all, so shouldn't I accept others?  Emitting love isn't something that is easy. Some people are difficult to love, but the fact is this is the one thing Jesus asked us to.  LOVE ONE ANOTHER for this is how HE knows you are his.  Is the Judeo-Christian world embracing this? 

I can't control them. I can only control my heart and what I choose to say and do each day.  I know for me not being loved or recieving love would be devastating.  So I choose to give it.  Put away your condemnation. Put away your hate.  Leave your bigotry behind.  Choose to love one another.  It's very simple, but I have a secret...you have to love yourself first.  (But that's another blog post :-))

27/31 Marriage Equality

With everything that has been of facebook I wanted to address why I believe people should allowed to marry who they want.

For many years, our government has believed in separation of Church and State.  Therefore, this is not a God/Bible related issue.

People are people.  Some of us love boys, some of us love girls.  We don't choose whom we love. Our hearts are created a certain way.  We fall in love with the person that fulfills our heart desires.

End of Discussion.

For those of you who want to make it a God issue. Shame on you.  The Jesus I know loves everyone.  According to the Bible, I've sinned and can never remarry because I divorced my husband. Well, guess what...that rule some how no longer applies because people do this ALL the time. Some Christians like to pick and choose which laws/rules of the Bible they want to live by.  I'm choosing to live by what my heart feels is right.  I would never say to the people I love that are gay you don't have the right to marry. They do.

So you need to decide if you want to be on the side of people who hate and discriminate?  Fine. But do it away from me.  You won't change my mind.  So let it go. 

25/31 SOLC Routine

Back into our old routine,
break is over,
less than seventy days until summer.

We can make it!

24/31

Going to Target is always fun with my entourage. As I was looking for a new wallet I hear Grace gasp, "I'm a Dora girl!!" I'm afraid I just assumed she was talking about the Nick character. "Really? I thought you were more princess or Barbie," I reply without looking at her.

She sighs reallllllllyyyyy big. I turn and my goose is wearing a hello kitty fedora. Last week I told her I thought she and I were fedora girls. She can pull off a fedora.

23/31 Saying Good-Bye is Never Easy

I have a confession. I'm not good at losing loved ones. Watching them leave this place and onto the next. I feel myself curling up into the fetal position in my heart. As I sit by the bed and watch. My heart breaks. Millions of pieces shatter. I've watched this happen too many times. I know that with life comes death. But with death comes loss and pain. When I look at you I can here your voice,"Hey, Doll!" Except, you can't say those words anymore. Which makes my heart yearn to hear it. I love you. You made me feel like the most special niece in the world. I'm going to miss you. I miss you already. May the angels wrap you in their arms as you leave our world into the next.

22/31

I can remember learning to read at the kitchen table. Working so hard on the letters and the sounds and making sense of the Sentences and paragraphs. But, when it all clicked it opened up a world of the unknown.

Now, as I sit and watch Grace learning her Pre-reading skills. And how it's clicking I'm getting so excited for her. I can't wait to introduce her to all my favorites. And instead of me reading them...her reading them to me.

She is such a hard worker learning how to overcome her learning issues. I'm so proud of my baby. She's a fighter.

21/31

Today is 3/21, World Down syndrome day. I love my little E, but Down syndrome is just a small piece of our life. We don't let it define us. My dream is that one day all people will accept others. I mean really who could resist a smile, a hug, or a kiss from my sweetie?

20/31 SOLC THOUGHTS IN THE NIGHT

I hate those nights. The nights that overwhelm the soul. It weeps. There is no numbing the pain; no painkiller or drink strong enough. For it's the realization that I'm in this alone. I weep for the stupid nineteen year old who believed in I love you's. I weep for the momma who wakes everyday thinking this is the day everyone sees her miserable failures. I weep for the broken heart who just wants to be loved. I weep uncontrollable body shattering sobs until the sun comes. For when it rises, I too must rise and be strong and be brave. Though the sun shines on my face, the night rages on inside my mind as I continue to cry silently. Bearing it alone. For I'm not able to receive love or to be loved. I don't know why Venus has doomed me on my journey. Forcing me to take my path alone. At this moment in the night, I would give anything to feel arms around me or hands caressing my face and here the words, "It'll be okay." Instead I reassuringly tell myself these words only for them to fall flatly into the air. Echoing. A reminder that no one's there.

19/31 SOLC

As Grace watched Little Mermaid, it made me think of my own dreams of moving to NYC. I began to think of my own lyrics. I know it seems silly. But maybe I'm just as wistful as Ariel for my dreams to come true. However, I won't go to the sea witch..I just need to apply to Columbia. :-)

Part Of Your World

adapted from
The Little Mermaid


(Maybe he's right. Maybe there is something the matter with me.
I just don't see how a world that has such wonderful things could be bad.)

Look at this place,
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think it'd make me complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who should live here
Look at the lights
History untold
How many wonders can one city hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she should live here
I've got dreams and desires a-plenty
I've got fears and what ifs galore
You want reasons?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more

I wanna be where my people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - subways

18/31

Well, I guess Spring Break is a blessing because I have a sick kiddo with a double ear infection and sinus infection. So we've spent the day watching movies and playing the Wii. Little sicky Emma didn't want to take silly pics so Grace and I did. But today was still a good day.

17/31 SOLC

Ugh, I had the post written out and deleted the wrong one.  Sigh! 

Today is a blah day.  Yesterday's memories of sunlight beating down on my cheeks.  The smell of cut grass and the sound of children at play outside are just memories because today is cold and misty.

Spring is routinely a time of renewal for me.  I think the reason this spring is so hard is because I had plans to implement my dream this summer.  But I allowed things to get in the way.

Fear of losing my kids.

Fear of leaving loved ones behind.

Fear of failure.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear can't be a part of my life. I have to make the decision to move myself forward professionally, emotionally, and spiritually.  It is my choice. My chance.

It's time to jump and go beyond dreaming to actually "doing" the change.

16/31

84 degrees. Beautiful blue sky and some wind, but not too bad.

"Mommy, let's go take Izzy for a walk," announced Grace.

So we leashed the dog and traipsed out the door.

Grace leads our entourage around the block toward the park. We discover that no one is taking advantage of this day for park playing. Mainly, for mowing purposes.

The girls swing and slide and scream. Izzy lays down to cool off. I watch and listen. A perfect spring day.

15/31

Spring break started tonight. The girls and I were relaxing at home. Little Grace crawled on me and said to take her picture.

So I did. When I looked at it on my phone, I thought to myself this is the only love I need. The love of my children.

14/31

Colors on the pages,
Box of 8
24,
Nope it better be the 64.

Listening to my baby chitter-chatter,
Time spent wisely,
I pray it never ends.