Friday, July 27, 2012

TIred of Broken

A few weeks ago Single Dad Laughing posted this poem, "I'm Broken," Says She.  As a single mom and on my fifth year as a divorcee it spoke to me.  In fact, so much so that it inspired me to really reflect at how I've chosen to live my life the last years since my divorce.

I've tried a few times to get out and "date" so to speak, but most of them have been disasters.  So it was just easier to throw myself into my work and motherhood.  It essentially protected me.  Until it didn't.  It left me lonely, alone, and abandoned.

For years, I was told I was the problem and even after two years of therapy I guess my heart still believed it.  Even with a bestie who tells me I'm fabulous which is obviously her job...I still saw myself as damaged goods...broken.

When I read Dan's poem I was shocked at how I identified with Dan's girlfriend.  The unworthiness of being loved.  Then  I read how Dan saw her. I had someone tell me once that I had strength and that I was beautiful. When I heard him say it. I actually believed it this time.  The question I have to ask myself is do I believe I have the strength or do I just want to continue to be broken?

The answer I have found is a definitive NO.  Broken is no way to live.  Broken leaves you scared.  Broken leaves you lonely. Broken leaves you shattered in pieces with no hope of being put back together.

I believe that sometimes life sucks.  We can choose each day if we want to live a broken life or a life with the pieces cemented back together.  The problem with that is that every once in while the pieces have to be put back.  Once you're broken you are never the same.  But, you  must decide to put the pieces back together. You can either recreate yourself  with a new job or a move or a new lover, but you aren't the same any more.

Now, as I begin this part of my journey. I'm thinking about the future and what risks I need to take. I know that one of those is in my dating life.  I have other risks to take too in my professional life, but those are to come later and we shall see what happens.

If you are broken, I encourage you  to choose to live a life that is cemented back together.  It's truly worth it. A beautiful mosaic of life will occur.

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