The Truth

The truth seems to catch people off guard.  It surprises me still when people choose to lie.  When people choose to say hurtful things that serve no other purpose than to wound.

I think what truly amazes me the most that even after all our years in the journey called life some adults still expect perfection.  The will say "we are all a work in progress,"  but when life gets dirty messy, and dramatic.  When one decides to say ok I will put the walls down they make a demand: Perfection. 

Perfection what a silly word to apply to people becuase to be honest....we all like to watch the hot mess of life.  We like to solve through the problems 

So what is the truth about me? I am a hot mess!!  I am in love with 21 second graders who remind me each day that life is wonderful, amazing, and beautiful.  I am a crazy woman in a blended family who really likes her ex's new wife.   I am the perfectionist trying to show her six year old that mistakes happen and we survive.  I am NOT perfect!  I am a so glad I am the stinkin' hott mess that I am...because let's face it...it's not boring and usually filled with laughter.

Work In Progress

As a teacher I understand that the little people I am blessed to have in my classroom each day are not perfect.  I do not expect them to be perfect.  I start my year making sure that my kids know that I am not Mary Poppins, nor do I demand that everything that they do be correct/perfect.  We learn from our mistakes.

I've been called on the carpet for not allowing my own imperfections and flaws to just be out in the open.  And SHOCKER, to accept them.  I don't know why  I am so hard on myself.  I always have been from the time I was teeny.

In my freshman year of college after working every Tuesday and Thursday afternoons with a prof on my assignments I still only pulled a C instead of my usual A or B, I called my mom distraught. I just knew my parents were going to be mad.  I was amazed when my mother said, "Did you try and do your best?" My reply was a resounding, "YES!"  At that moment it HIT me. That's all anyone asks.

But somewhere between what I know and what I preach my brain says, "Yes, but this doesn't apply to you." And really this is when you have to CHOOSE to STOP saying these things.

Then I heard we are all really just a work in progress. Oh. Em. Gee.  This is amazing.  I swear I've felt like I've been in the audience of an Oprah show and witnessed an AHHH, HAAA  moment.

When I look into my little girls' eyes I do not expect them to be perfect.  In fact it's the exact opposite.  I don't mind their mistakes because I know they are learning.   But aren't I learning about life also?  I may be ahem...35, but I do not have life figured out.  Making mistakes happens. Perfection is not demanded by anyone in my circle.  Therefore, letting go and just being is what I need to do I WILL DO!!!

It's a Creepin'

35. Wow! In the words of my BFF's hubby I am half way to 70. Excellent!

Five years ago when I turned the big 30 I was facing raising two little ones as a single mom and found myself in a place that I never thought I'd be. So the question I have really begun to ask myself is where do I go from here?

The last five years have brought about lots of change: a divorce, a new job, and new people in my life.  So, really doesn't 35 sound pretty good?

I am in a good place.  I am surrounded by people who care for me.  I am jumping each chance I get.  (Jump is my one little word to live by for 2013) So really what do I have to fear?  Fear cannot control a person indefinitely.  We need to refuse to allow it to control our decisions.  I refuse to allow it in my life. PERIOD!

When I look at the first month of 2013 and I see what wonderful things have happened, I really can't say that 35 is creeping up on my like my wrinkles.  35 has knocked me over and said, "It is time to live your life."  So....

IQ is Just Another Number

Being an educator I know that Emma turning nine is a big deal in the school's eyes.  She no longer becomes "developmentally delayed," but an actual category or label now.  Now, every time someone picks up her IEP they will first read her IQ score. 

I had emailed the school to please send me the results before the meeting so that when I saw the numbers it woldn't be the first time.  They graciously allowed me the time to process this information. I thought I would crumble into a fine pillar of dust when I heard the news, but I didn't.  When Emma was born the one thing I wanted was for her not to have the category she is going to recieve, but to have other health impairment.  I thought this would be the worst thing for her.  It isn't.  The worst for her would be if I saw her as a number, and I don't. 

I understand that it is just a number.  But, I also know that to some people it isn't.  For some people it will be a reminder of all the things she can't do.  However, I choose to see these things.

• A little girl who has worked so very hard to overcome the simple things we take for granted like learning to talk, walk, and read.
• A child who belly laughs so hard that she gives her self the hiccups and we all tumble into a heap of laughter.
• A precious girl who never, ever gives up.  She tries again. And again. And again.
• My daughter is strong and I would like to think she gets it from me, from my example, but I draw on her strength each day.  I watch her persevere and I think if Little E can do it, so can I.
• She has a sense of humor that invloves playing jokes, albeit, not always at the right time, but funny, nonetheless.
• A darling, caring heart that hurts for others when they are hurt, that says, "I'm sorry" when she's wrong, and hugs those who are experiencing pain.

These things have nothing to do with the magic number that has deemed her "less."  As human beings we should never categorize or label those that are different.  She is not less.  She is not different.  She is a girl who's life isn't passing me by.  She is a girl who loves so deeply that I can only hope that my love repays what she gives.  She is a girl who will one day live on her own, have a job,  and hopefully find love. 

But she is not a number.

She is my daughter.

Little E.

Past my Past

Fears set aside
revealing healed scars.

Threatening to flare up and become
tender at the thought
of trying again.

It must stop.
My past cannot define my future
I do believe.

Fears abating
I've let go.

Season of Surprise

The holiday season is over. The tree is put away.  Lights dimmed.  Now the wonderful bleakness of January has arrived.   But, this year is different.  I didn't want to put the tree away.  Winter Break was full of surprises. Pleasant, heart warming surprises.

I think the best thing about life is when it surprises you.  These surprises are like a kiss on a forehead...endearing and heartfelt.

As January has begun full swing I am not dreading the coldness and dreariness, but welcoming the sun warming surprises.

It's Here...well for Pre-Purchase...

I know I'm a geek...I realize that I am hopelessly in love with the Units of Study by Teacher's College, but the new books are available for pre-purchase!!  I am so excited!!! Take a look!!

Units of Study for 2nd