Honk, went my cell as I walked into my room. I'm sure that's my mom I thought. It was she said she needed to talk.
I knew my cousin was failing quickly so I picked up my classroom phone and dialed home.
"Lynnelle, do you want the news?" She asked.
"Of course, Mom," I replied. I knew I had said my good byes. I was prepared for the worst with my sweet cousin. My mind and heart were begin to believe it was real.
"He has tumors with lymph node involvement," she replied.
"What?I don't understand. Are you talking about the CT for Dad?" I ask. My mind reeling from the news. My ears beginning to burn and sound rushing into them.
"Yes," she said, "Lynnelle, the doctor's calling I'll call you back."
I clicked end. I sat at my desk. My mind racing with the same one word. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. My dad has lung cancer. This isn't good. Lung cancer is deadly.
I find myself walking down the hallway teachers passing me getting ready to meet the new parents and students in a few hours. I walk into my friend's room.
"Caroline, my dad has lung cancer," I sob. I begin to shake as the words leave my mouth. She holds me up.
My tears rush down my face soaking her shoulder. Her words of strength and truth whisper to me.
But all the while listening to her hushed tones of comfort my heart beats to the rhythmic tune in my head--cancer, cancer, cancer.
The rest of the afternoon was a blur. I found out the details. Googled his chances. Slowly began to push down my fears, my pain, and my tears to welcome 55 new students and their parents to the 5th grade.
As 5:30 began to approach I could feel teacher mode begin, as my wonderful students arrived and I shook their hands and welcomed them. There presence helped me. The new lives who entered mine. I was able to help them at least for an hour. I hoped I helped relieve some of their fears and let them know I was ready for a great year because for a few moments I was able to relive my old normal. I knew when they left my new normal would begin.
*Please note that 3 days later we found out my father does not have cancer. He has another illness, but it can be treated. Thank you for your support.*
OH my Lynelle, I'm so sorry honey. I'm crying for you now because I have been right there, in that place where you are. My prayers are with you, and if you need to talk, I'm here for that also.
ReplyDeleteWhat a tough day - sending prayers of comfort as you begin your new normal
ReplyDeleteLynelle, What terrible news. I'm so, so, so sorry. While welcoming 55 new students might feel like a priority right now, make sure you make time for you and your family as well as some alone time too.
ReplyDelete