Letting Go

time to put you away
one day
magical

what i want is to feel
feel loved
to be passionate about
someone

but not you.
you chose her.
not me.
 

29/31 SOLC

It seems my life and the emotions and heartache and love can always be expressed by some musician or lyricist.  It's not usually something that I write...I keep it all bottled up so no one can see it or hear it or read it.  It's not interesting, but I've successfully avoided it for 29 days.

the one

he lied
i gave all i had for years
he lied
and revealed
my life was a lie
no love
never loved
world is turned
topsy
turvy
all
because
he lied.

slowly
piece
by piece
put back
gently.
be careful
don't look to
closely
 you will see
the ridges
the wounds that
are still on the surface.

be gentle
be careful
for she lies
she says she's fine
she says she doesn't
believe
she says she cares for
no one
but she lies.

she lies
because of fear
she lies because
the pieces won't
make it through
another break.
 she lies because
she's guarding
she doesn't want
him to see.

You know
the one.
The one that stared
into her eyes and saw
her.
flawed
broken
and still said
he saw beauty.
he said he saw
strength.
his kiss
burning on
her lips.
his words echoing
in her ears.
you know this one.
the one she believed
but shouldn't have.

for you see
this girl
she pretends
to be strong
she pretends that
she doesn't need love
but she lies.

her heart yearns
for it
her heart doesn't
want to be unloved
we weren't created
to walk by ourselves.
we were created
to love.

but her heart
when put back
together only aches now
for she never
thought it would be alone.
there was no one by
her side to comfort her
her soul was mourning and
she was alone
no arm of comfort
no kiss on the forehead
or words "it will be better
tomorrow"

her soul
cries
her soul
doesn't lie
she just needs
the one.

28/31 SOLC

John 13:34-35

New International Version (NIV)

³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

It's really hard these days on Facebook so many people full of hypocrisy by flaunting the Bible in everyone's face. It seems they are forgetting the very essence of Jesus...which is love.  It saddens me that we can't see beyond the need of hell and condemnation to actually show love.  

I hope when people see me or talk to me they see love.  I've been very luck and for the most part have been accepted for who I am flaws and all.  We are all flawed.  Why small minded people are busy pointing out sins when they have their own I will not understand.  My heart aches for the people who hear these things or read these things and then believe that all people think this way. 

We are all human.  We all experience the same emotions.  Yet we are all unique individuals.  We are all flawed. 

I've battled with the idea of perfection and why did I feel the need to be perfect.  It's taken me many, many years to realize that God/Jesus nor my parents were asking me to be perfect.  But the "world" was.  The Christian world I percieved.  The one where you screw up and your burning in hell. You drink or dance and your going to hell in a fuschia colored hand basket. 

I've accepted who I am, flaws and all, so shouldn't I accept others?  Emitting love isn't something that is easy. Some people are difficult to love, but the fact is this is the one thing Jesus asked us to.  LOVE ONE ANOTHER for this is how HE knows you are his.  Is the Judeo-Christian world embracing this? 

I can't control them. I can only control my heart and what I choose to say and do each day.  I know for me not being loved or recieving love would be devastating.  So I choose to give it.  Put away your condemnation. Put away your hate.  Leave your bigotry behind.  Choose to love one another.  It's very simple, but I have a secret...you have to love yourself first.  (But that's another blog post :-))

27/31 Marriage Equality

With everything that has been of facebook I wanted to address why I believe people should allowed to marry who they want.

For many years, our government has believed in separation of Church and State.  Therefore, this is not a God/Bible related issue.

People are people.  Some of us love boys, some of us love girls.  We don't choose whom we love. Our hearts are created a certain way.  We fall in love with the person that fulfills our heart desires.

End of Discussion.

For those of you who want to make it a God issue. Shame on you.  The Jesus I know loves everyone.  According to the Bible, I've sinned and can never remarry because I divorced my husband. Well, guess what...that rule some how no longer applies because people do this ALL the time. Some Christians like to pick and choose which laws/rules of the Bible they want to live by.  I'm choosing to live by what my heart feels is right.  I would never say to the people I love that are gay you don't have the right to marry. They do.

So you need to decide if you want to be on the side of people who hate and discriminate?  Fine. But do it away from me.  You won't change my mind.  So let it go. 

25/31 SOLC Routine

Back into our old routine,
break is over,
less than seventy days until summer.

We can make it!

24/31

Going to Target is always fun with my entourage. As I was looking for a new wallet I hear Grace gasp, "I'm a Dora girl!!" I'm afraid I just assumed she was talking about the Nick character. "Really? I thought you were more princess or Barbie," I reply without looking at her.

She sighs reallllllllyyyyy big. I turn and my goose is wearing a hello kitty fedora. Last week I told her I thought she and I were fedora girls. She can pull off a fedora.

23/31 Saying Good-Bye is Never Easy

I have a confession. I'm not good at losing loved ones. Watching them leave this place and onto the next. I feel myself curling up into the fetal position in my heart. As I sit by the bed and watch. My heart breaks. Millions of pieces shatter. I've watched this happen too many times. I know that with life comes death. But with death comes loss and pain. When I look at you I can here your voice,"Hey, Doll!" Except, you can't say those words anymore. Which makes my heart yearn to hear it. I love you. You made me feel like the most special niece in the world. I'm going to miss you. I miss you already. May the angels wrap you in their arms as you leave our world into the next.